offer, NOT request

excerpts of my latest reading assignment for MPC..

“The vast majority of people do not enter marriage with a view to becoming a servant. The marriage relationship is often seen as a selfish one because our motivations for marrying often are selfish. “

this is like perfect answer to the question i asked last night. it is soooooo tough to change this deeply rooted belief tt marriage is for happiness, romance n all things bright n cheery. reading ‘Sacred Marriage’ (Gary Thomas) all over again has been and still is teaching me alot. but i realise it is one thing to know it cognitively, it is another thing to put it to practice, to operationalize it.

“Each day we must die to our own desires and rise as a servant. Each day we are called to identify with the suffering Christ on the cross, and then be empowered by the resurrected Christ. We die to our expectations, our demands, and our fears. We rise to compromise, service and courage.”

this is what is so tough – the dying to self. i will always rem lil’s sharing on what’s most challenging abt being married. those were her exact words. dying to self.

and perhaps most thought-provoking of all..

“…a true Christian marriage proposal is an offer, not a request. Rather than.. ‘Will you do this for me?’.., the real question should be, ‘Will you accept me what I want to give?’”

他讨厌

at dinner tonight..

“我讨厌女人哭，就好像我讨厌女人抽烟。”

scratch head maximus!

有时候

i know my man is someone who isn’t as expressive as i’d like him to be. i’m reminded that he’s not likely to change, no matter how much i hoped.. perhaps just cos we don’t know how to be someone we’re not. and this is it, WYSIWYG. but sometimes, just sometimes.. my insecurities catch up with me yet again and i hate to think that he’s not crazy over me; or that he doesn’t quite think the world of me.

unexpected intensity

i had dinner at his place and it was a rather 大宗 affair, with steamboat and 鱼生 yet again, and almost the entire family over. total of 10 adults gathered with 5 children bouncing around in the house. i didn’t realize tt dinner was gg to be so big!

not long after, i was gonna go bk. we had an unexpectedly long talk at my van and it was probably one of the most intense discussions we have ever had. i appreciate the time – yet another to add to my “precious moments” list.

this set both of us thinking much, i suspect him more than me. he probably analysed it way more than i did and might just have hit the nail on the head with all the things he’s said. i am amazed at the insight he gives me, all the time. it’s qt freaky (in a good way) actually. i really think he just prevented me from creating catastophe.

this is one of the many reasons i think the world about you. you make me a better person. thank God for you.

must declare mine

need to claim what is mine, even though i need to know to share. hate that i might have to be nasty. praying for divine intervention somehow.

need me now?

couple of days ago, i scheduled for a lunch with 2 ladies and adr in one of the sch canteens. one of the ladies couldn’t make it so it was just 3 of us in the end. t’was an enjoyable lunch as i got to catch up with YT and get to know her a little better. over lunch, adr mentioned tt he posted a song on his FB profile. this he thought was a great song and i do agree – i actually saw the link in office before coming down to the canteen. heh!

i did it!

i just dished the letter today. it was liberating to say the least. never thought it would come to this but yeahh. and it’s simply because it’s become a much less enjoyable environment due to the changes in staffing. ah well. it’s good timing i would say. this means that i would end my journey at slightly more than 4 years’ length. rather remarkable amongst my peers.

well! again, it’s not like i am reaaaaally leaving this place entirely. am still sticking around somewhat. but because of the change in nature of employment, things will be rather different. and happily so, i would say.

something i look forward to is the fact tt i will be challenging myself more from now on. i shld be using my brains and my mind a whole lot more than i do currently. it’s a different set of skills altogether cos’ i won’t really be solving problems on the go anymore. i will have to crack my brains to think of how i could impart that knowledge instead. i want to sharpen my mind, better my presentation skills, thicken my skin in relatively non-consequential settings, and endeavour to enrich young lives while i do all that i aspire to the best of my efforts. (:  in the meantime, i would have to make a decision as to what i would do with the other half of my time.

as with most things, there are pros and cons to this letter-dishing action. one of the not-so-happening things i hv to deal with is the fact tt there won’t be a lappie/tablet issued to me anymore. my preliminary trips to consumer electronics stores have not given me much inspiration. none of the brands/models have lured me enough. good thing i didn’t do the logical thing of selecting the functional piece yesterday and today – i had made 3 consecutive trips to different stores in the past three days, almost closing the deal on the last 2 occasions. and good thing because i discovered this online only just now!

presenting to you, the MSI Wind U160!

chio!

chio chio!

hmmm!

i want!! it’s not too much of a bad thing all of a sudden.. haha. save for the hole in the pocket.. :P

wahwahhh

pre-requisites of 6 years experience, good degree and some more hoping for Masters holder.
all this just for programming head. siao liao.

either people like me will soon realistically be out of a job, or they be pegging themselves too high.

it WAS me

so i found out few hrs ago that i was indeed responsible for this. sucks to know that, doesn’t it? especially when the motivation was really just out of concern. funny how we drive each other nuts this way.

coming 3 wks. come what may. God, be my strength and guide.

savour

more than anything, i would like to be able to process issues and things that i come across. i want to be able to do things that i want to do – exercise, read, redecorate my room, watch some films, etc. the brother says it’s the ideal state that so many our age/generation aspire, but is frowned upon. for some (good) reason, i’m not bothered by how others may choose to judge me. timing is be a lot better too.

of course, this is not to be for good. can’t possibly stagnate this way too. the idea is to free meself up to consider and entertain more options in the meantime.

yes, i would like to savour life. with a bit more time i might be able to do that. that be the plan for now.

God, what do you think?